Culture Shock
by Tantilla
Summary: Kevin helps Rolf out on his farm.


_Porn Battle 2K14, Prompt 1: Culture Shock_

_Prompt: Ed Edd N Eddy, Rolf/Kevin, show, culture, feet, farmhand, strange_

Kevin was used to getting roped in to work by his friends, they always seemed to have some chore that he could help them out with, or always figured out a way to use him as free labor. However, as he stood before the small farm in Rolf's backyard that was in need of plowing and preparation for planting seeds, he couldn't help but feel that this was a bit much.

How Rolf managed to convince Kevin that this was a good idea, he would never know. It was stupidly hot outside, and he could already feel sweat beginning to form on the back of his neck from where the sun was beating down on him. He reached up to wipe the sweat away before glaring down at the hoe in his hand like it was the reason for all of his problems right then. When he lifted the tool up and shifted it around in his hand, he became vaguely aware that this was going to be much more difficult that Rolf always made it look. The weight was awkward in his hands and he had to change his grip on it every few seconds in an attempt at getting comfortable with this.

It wasn't that Kevin couldn't get it, cause he could. It wasn't long before he was plowing up the dirt, tearing out the weeds as he went and readying the soil for seeds at a respectable rate. Rolf of course moved along with the task of plowing the opposite side of the farm much quicker than Kevin, but he was experienced at this. He was also used to his tool, while Kevin struggled with getting it to do exactly what he wanted. Really it was more suited for someone of Rolf' stature, but Kevin thought he was doing alright for his first time doing something like this.

Or he did until he heard Rolf laughing at him. Then his heat fueled irritation got the better of him and his already questionable work just got sloppier.

"Casanova Kevin-boy is having trouble with Rolf's plow, yes?" Rolf asked, leaning on his plow and wiping his forehead with a towel he had draped over his shoulders. "Do you require Rolf's assistance?"

Kevin huffed and shook his head, digging the hoe in to the ground a bit deeper than necessary. The work gloves he was wearing were old and worn, and they seemed to have lost most of their grip long ago. This didn't help Kevin's case as he fumbled around for a better hold. "No way man, I've got this..."

Sweat beaded on Kevin's brow, and he couldn't help but wonder why Rolf would choose today, what seemed to be the hottest day of the entire summer, to do such tiering manual labor. It was stupid, this entire job was stupid, and he was stupid for being here, working on this damn field just because Rolf asked him to.

"Could've been out riding my bike..." He grumbled under his breath as he got down to pull at some sort of rock that had found it's way in to Rolf's farmland. "Could have just stayed inside for that matter. It's a fucking oven out here." He continued on with his complaining as he got back to work, failing the hoe across the dirt.

"Is the work too much for wee baby Kevin to handle? You may go, Rolf has done this task many times before, all by himself." Rolf said, almost mocking Kevin. It's no like he got the chance to do so very often.

"Dude, shut up! I'm gonna get this done. Sorry I don't spend every waking moment don't slave labor on a farm, I actually have a life and way more important things to do than dig up dirt for hours at a time." Kevin spat.

Rolf just laughed, shaking his head as he went to set his hoe up against his shed. "Your insignificant words do not wound Rolf, for your stance is humorous and makes Rolf laugh." He said.

"What the hell are you going on about?"

"You are holding the tool wrong." Rolf said.

For once in his life, Kevin was thankful for the too-hot summers that seemed to plague the cul-de-sac. His was was already flushed from the heat. There was no way for Rolf to tell the difference between the redness on his face do to embarrassment and redness do to the sunburn he was sure to get for slacking off on putting sunblock on his face.

"...I...whatever!" Kevin growled, trying to smooth out the dirt that he had managed to get loose from the hard ground. "It's a fuckin' stupid tool anyway. They have machines to do this Shit now."

Rolf made his way over, stepping over tools that he had laying on the ground to be put away after they were done. He was bare-footed, and he did not need to injure his feet by stepping on a shovel or something. "Do not fret, it is an easy fix." He said.

"It's still working, back off." Kevin snapped.

"You are making a mess of Rolf's topsoil!" He said, grabbing one of Kevin's wrists. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Kevin honestly though about just jerking away rom Rolf and throwing the tool as far as he could, but Rolf was already behind him, gripping his gloved hands and scooting them up and down the pole of the plow as he deemed necessary. He kicked his legs apart to spread them slightly and pushed him forward so he was hunched over it. He was holding it like he was holding a rake that was a bout a foot and a half too long.

"I can't do it when I hold it like this Rolf. It's like working with a damn javelin or something." Kevin grumbled. He demonstrated his lack of skill in working the tool in straight lines like Rolf had managed on his side of the farm.

"Casanova Kevin-boy is too short for the life of a shepherds son." Rolf teased. "The life of a farmhand is beyond you Kevin."

"GOOD RIDDANCE!" Kevin yelled, slamming the plow in to the ground in frustration. Even that felt Awkward, and he flared at the tool as it made indent ions in the messy rows of dirt. He was practically steaming, fed up with the teasing. He was not used to having the tables turned on him by Rolf of all people. He pushed Rolf away and stormed off, kicking dirt as he went in frustration and anger.

"Poor Kevin will never know how sweet the thirst of farming is!" Rolf shrugged, saying this purposefully loud so that Kevin could hear. As expected, the redhead stopped in his tracks and glanced over his shoulders at Rolf.

"If you're talking about actual fruit then I don't give a damn." He said.

Rolf made his way towards where Kevin was watching him, a rather skeptical look on his face. He draped an arm over Kevin's shoulder, ignoring the disgusted face Kevin made since Rolf was not only shirtless, but sweaty. "I know Kevin is not tempted by the succulent flesh of the plants that grow here. However, The Son of a Shepherd always has more than one tool for persuasion." Rolf lowered his voice toward the end of what he said, effectively capturing Kevin's attention.

"What do you mean by 'Tools for persuasion'?" Kevin asked cautiously. "You're being vague again Rolf, and last time that happened I found half your livestock crammed in to my garage. I REALLY don't need a repeat of that."

"There will be none of Rolf's animals involved in your reward. It's simply a tradition in Rolf's family after the man of the house comes home after a long day of back-breaking work."

"Tradition?" Kevin raised a brow.

"Relaxing techniques."

Kevin remained quit for a moment, considering his offer before chuckling and shaking his head. "Wow, it's hard to think that you actually relax, you damn work-o-holic."

Rolf slapped Kevin on the back before pulling him back towards where they had been working. "You have the will of ten cattle! This reminds Rolf of the time my Nana decided to be-..."

Kevin slapped a hand over Rolf's mouth and shook his head. "Don't even start Rolfy-Boy."

So that was how Kevin, once again, somehow managed to let himself be convinced that coming back and finishing up the work that he and Rolf had started would be a good idea.

No, it still sucked, and it still posses him off beyond reason, but it was more tolerable with the idea of some kind of reward, and even more so when Rolf finished his half of the work and became available for help whenever he needed. Most of the time he just ended up cursing under his breath about how Rolf needed to get tools for regular sized people, and Rolf would respond by jerking him around a bit rougher than was necessary when he re-adjusted Kevin's positioning. Their usual 'Friendly Banter' as Nazz called it.

Somewhere along the line though, Kevin began to notice they were making serious process in their work. The work was not perfect, but Kevin had explicitly told Rolf before they began that he had better not expect perfection if he was going to have him help out. With the cooperation, they were close to being done and it filled Kevin with a strange sense of pride.

"It's a beautiful sight, yes?" Rolf asked as he leaned against the plow he had bee using while Kevin finished up the very end of the last row that needed to be worked over. "The crops will grow tall this year, I can smell it."

"You can't smell shit like hat. Especially not here, it just smells like sweat and barn animals." Kevin said, panting lightly as he hauled the plow up and leaned against it next to Rolf, staring out over their work.

"You can't smell it?" Rolf asked.

Kevin didn't even dignify that question with a response. He just stayed silent and wiped the back of his filthy hand on his forehead to mop up a bit of the sweat to keep it from running down in to his eyes. He felt like he was covered in dirt for head to toe, while Rolf only looked like his feet had gotten dirty as he worked. He felt like he needed a bath, but that could wait.

"That was a lot of work..." Kevin said tiredly, sighing and pulling the rough gloves off of his hand.

"As always, but he fruits are more than well worth the effort." Rolf said calmly.

"Metaphorical right? Feeling good about what you accomplished and doing something worth while? Cause I...actually feel it." Kevin said, the corners of his mouth turning upwards in a small grin. "Never bought I would be so satisfied with some stupid feelings."

"What? Where is your head Kevin-Boy? We have not even begun to reap the rewards for our work." Rolf scoffed and took the plow from Kevin's hands, heading for his shed to out them up. Kevin followed, leaning against the doorframe as he watched Rolf sort all of the tools and put them back in to their proper space.

"Wait so I actually DO get something?" Kevin asked.

"Of course. Why would Rolf lie about such things?" Rolf seemed mildly offended for a moment before he turned back to his tools, as well as making sure Victor was comfortable in his spot as well. "We must decide who worked harder. The winner goes first."

"First?" Kevin wondered just what kind of 'reward Rolf had in mind, but he decided he didn't care and that whatever it was, he wanted to go first. Instant gratification and all. "Well I worked pretty damn hard, even if you had to help me most of the way."

"That is true, yes." Rolf nodded slowly, standing up and turning to face Kevin now. "Come in Kevin." He ordered.

The shed smelled like wet goat, and Kevin couldn't say he was particularly fond of it, but it looked clean at least. He leaned back against a far wall and watched as Rolf finished the task of cleaning up after their work.

"Dude, can I use your shower? I feel disgusting." Kevin grumbled, picking at the dirt beneath his fingernails.

Rolf laughed at Kevin's words."Foolish Kev-Boy, there is no use in cleansing oneself before the act of the Sacred Remission Ritual!" He turned towards the door on the shed and pulled it closed, locking it behind him.

"...'Sacred Remission Ritual?" Kevin eyed the door for a moment before locking his eyes on Rolf. Rolf's 'rituals' and 'traditions' tended to be on the disturbing side at times. A brief flicker of panic flashed through Kevin. "Rolf you KNOW what I said about involving me in your freaky family voodoo bullshit!"

"Do not act so brash, you will enjoy the ritual." Rolf assured. Kevin seemed to relax for a moment until Rolf approached him, an excited glint in his eyes.

With his back to the wall, he had nowhere to run. It felt like his brain short-circuited when Rolf's hands ended up on the hem of his shorts, fumbling around with the buttons that kept them fastened and on his waist. Still he only kept his eyes locked on Rolf's, and he only had one though going through his mind.

"You're kidding right?" He asked, raising a brow at his friend.

"Rolf dose not jest, the remission ritual has been passed down through my family for generations." He said simply, tugging at he dark material and pushing the shorts down to pool around Kevin's ankles, leaving him in his boxers. "When the man of the house returns from hard work, the woman of the house pampers him in gratitude for keeping he family well fed and nourished. Since you have expressed your desire to go first, I shall oblige."

The sound of Rolf dropping to his knees seemed deafening in the small wooden shed. At first Kevin didn't know what to do. His mind was still having trouble wrapping around the situation, and Rolf's ever cryptic way of speaking did nothing to help the situation. His pants were on the ground and Rolf's face was dangerously close to his crotch, and really that's all he could gather at the moment.

"What dose Kevin like? Your reward gets you what you desire" Rolf said, glancing up at Kevin.

Kevin just stared down at Rolf for a moment, his mouth going dry for a split second the look that Rolf was giving him, so calm, so casual... It seemed surreal given the situation they were in.

After a moment Kevin licked his suddenly too-dry lips and cleared his throat as best as he could. "Rolf we ARE talking about the same thing...right?"

"Have you never had the pleasure of feeling the sweet suction of victory?" Rolf asked.

"No, not from a guy anyway!" Kevin said, rolling his eyes. He sniffed the air Round them and made a disgusted face. "And certainly never anyplace that smells like a barn...this is gross Rolf, why are we in here?"

"What is wrong with Rolf's shed? I smell nothing but Wilfred." He said.

"Exactly man." Kevin said.

Rolf rolled his eyes and pressed the palm of his hand flat against Kevin's stomach, pushing him back against the wall with little resistance. "We will do this hear, as there is no better witness to such an act as one's livestock."

"I don't want your damn goat watching us!" Kevin growled.

Rolf chuckled, shaking his head as he slid his hand lower, down over the fabric of Kevin's boxers and pressed his palm up against the slowly growing tent there. "Are you really in any position Kev-Boy? We do not have to do this of course, but Rolf insists..."

Kevin's response died on his lips, the palm rubbing against his growing erection causing some fuse in his brain to burn out. It wasn't much, but the slow and consistent kneading was more than enough to get him interested. This was all rather unsanitary, and that thought kept him from sinking in to the light pleasure and indulging in to what Rolf was offering. God, he was thinking like Double-Dork now.

"I swear to god Rolf, if I get some fucked up disease from this, I will strangle you." Kevin threatened through his teeth

"Do not think about that now Kevin." Rolf said lowly, grinning up at Kevin. With his hand cupping Kevin's crotch, he dragged his fingers up the length. The feather light touches were barely detectable through the thin fabric between the two of them, but the very idea of what they were doing was enough to send pleasant sensations through his body.

"It's hard not to..." Kevin mumbled under his breath. He watched Rolf closely, forcing himself to relax as Rolf continued his almost curious touching. He leaned his head back and closed his eyes, relishing the sensation as Rolf leaned his head forward. He pushed Kevin's shirt up with his free hand and nudged his nose against Kevin's hip. Before Kevin had time to ask him what he thought he was doing, he feel a pair of teeth sinking in to the soft flesh there.

"Jesus Christ man! Watch it!" He growled, pushed Rolf's head back just a bit. Rolf narrowed his eyes at him, scoffing quietly as he leaned forward against Kevin's wishes to repeat the act, nipping and leaving small marks just above the hem of his boxers. Kevin would have complained, but Rolf continued his ministrations to the ever growing bulge was faced with and Kevin's irritation melted in to something akin to compliance.

"Rolf must take all of the proper procedures before the ritual can begin." He explained simply, slipping his going to lap at a particularly rough bite. Kevin knew that this was going to leave him covered in marks. He didn't know whether to feel embarrassed about that. "The mark of the gods should be worn with honor, do not forget this!"

Kevin let his head thump against the wall he was pressed against and closed his eyes. "It's called a fucking hickey you moron." He hissed out and pressed himself down against Rolf's hand.

"Do not argue with the one who gives you pleasure Kevin" Rolf said, smirking up at Kevin. "It is not wise. Now drop your trousers and hush your ever whining voice."

Kevin thought about going against direct orders and mouthing off to him, but rationality got he better of him and he muttered a few choice words under his breath as he hook his thumbs under the hem of his boxers and shoved them down off of his waist. The look of hunger Rolf had on his face as he eyed what he was working with made a Kevin a bit nervous.

"Your sausage is...quite impressive." Rolf praised, reaching up to stroke a finger up Kevin's manhood, admiring it as if it was a crop he had spent half the year tending to.

"Did you really just just call my dick a sausage? Way to kill a mood Rolf." Kevin said.

"An impressive sausage Kevin." Rolf pointed out.

"That's hardly a compliment, but thanks for the sentiment." Kevin mumbled.

"Hush your mouth Kev-boy." Rolf snapped, clearly dissatisfied with Kevin's ungrateful attitude. They glared at each other for a moment, a battle of patience raging between the two of them. Finally Kevin gave in with a sigh, nodding and giving a silent pledge to put up with whatever nonsense Rolf spouted at him. Rolf seemed pleased with this and wrapped his hand around Kevin's cock, watching as even this simple gesture made the ever stoic jock jump.

"God boy." Rolf almost purred, and Kevin didn't know whether to laugh or get even more turned on at the tone of his best friend's voice. Rolf left him no chance to think on it though, as slow strokes sent a plethora of pleasure that he shouldn't have even been feeling through his body. Rolf seemed to be taking way to much pleasure in seeing Kevin, who normally acted as a ring leader for him and his friends, melt under his control.

There was something about the rough hands tugging at and stroking him that made him forget that he was in his best friend's shed, with his best friend's goat, with his best friend slowly jerking him off. The entire situation seemed absurd to him, but he could look past that and found that he could enjoy the pleasure as Rolf worked him over. At first he thought maybe it was simply because it always seemed to feel better when it was someone else doing it for you. He quickly realized it was the calloused texture of his hands, the kind he had only achieved through endlessly working the farm in his yard and handling tools all his life. It was going to drive him insane.

Rolf pulled his hand away for a moment, but Kevin didn't even bother looking down at him because before he could react, his hand was back on him, and with an added slickness to boot. Rolf had spit in to his hand, and despite Kevin's thoughts on just how unsanitary all of this probably was (really, he was starting to feel like a serious dork here), it was an absolute godsend when Kevin felt Rolf's hands on him again. A strange smoothness to his strokes now, and a quickened pace that had Kevin's pulse racing in no time at all.

"Christ..." Kevin mumbled under his breath.

"Kevin must learn to have the self control necessary for the remission ritual. Rolf has done so little, yet you are a mess, like mama's spinach when left to boil for far too long." Rolf said offhandedly, or maybe it was right on topic, Kevin could never tell. Everything Rolf said sounded like it came out of nowhere.

"Would you quit comparing me to _food_?" Kevin growled. He would have snapped at him again for laughing at him but oh _god_ Rolf did something, twisted his hand just the right way or whatever, and the only thing coming out of Kevin's mouth was a shuddery moan. Rolf laughed again.

"You look delicious." Rolf mutterd.

Kevin rolled his eyes at that, almost impressed at Rolf's ability to pull him from his muddled haze with 'old country' bullshit he didn't really understand. Really that was just cheesy though. A grin spread across Kevin's face though, and he glanced down at Rolf (which made him regret not watching Rolf the whole time, because wow, the sight was somehow the hottest thing in the world right then.

"You want a taste?" He asked, fully aware that he was saying something just as bad, if not worse than what Rolf had said. Rolf looked up at him though, and his hand slowed down to a stop. Dear lord Kevin could have _sworn_ he saw Rolf's tongue dart out for a split second to lick his lips. He swallowed the lump in his throat before glancing down at where Rolf was now eying his cock like it actually was a sausage like Rolf had been referring to it earlier. "I swear to god though, if you bite me I am going to kill you Rolf."

Rolf did not even respond. He simply shot a glare up Kevin's way as he leaned forward. Kevin wasn't quite sure what he had been expecting, maybe something a bit less blunt, but he physically jumped when he felt Rolf flatten his tongue against the underside of his dick as he slowly licked up to the tip. He was taking his sweet time, tasting just like Kevin had offered and putting him through the best kind of hell at the same time. It was warm and wet and Kevin knew that if he got more of that, this entire thing would be worth it.

Rolf, much to Kevin's chagrin, seemed to enjoy his position on his knees in front of Kevin. He lapped at it, chuckling quietly to himself when he managed to pull a hiss or a repressed moan from Kevin. He made sure to get everywhere he could, to taste every bit Kevin had to offer. Just watching Kevin's hands twitch and claw at the wood of the shed walls was more than entertaining for him. Except after a few minutes of slow and tedious licks and gentle nips (despite's kevin's earlier threats), one of Kevin's hands shot out and tangled in his hair, and Kevin glared down at him, a peculiar fire in his eyes.

"Stop fucking with me Rolf." Kevin demanded.

Rolf didn't even try to hide his smirk. "I haven't even begun Kev-boy." He said before he finally wrapped his lips around the head of Kevin's cock, sucking eagerly to silence the questioning that Kevin had undoubtedly been planning. Instead all Rolf heard from him was a deep throated groan followed by a few vulgar words which he took as Kevin's approval for his actions.

Rolf obviously wasn't very experienced when it came to giving head as opposed to receiving it, that much became apparent pretty much as soon as Rolf started to bob his head down on Kevin. He didn't get very far without needing to pull back to cough again, but he was back on him in an instant and Kevin found that he didn't give a flying fuck about it. Rolf's mouth felt amazing on him, and what Rolf couldn't reach with his mouth he got with the hand that he still had wrapped around Kevin. It was a glorious mixture of friction and sweet wet heat that had Kevin making noises like a two cent whore in some cheap porno, and thrusting gently in to his friends mouth.

As big of an ass as Rolf had been to him, he still couldn't bring himself to complain about this, or choke the poor guy.

Rolf moaned something around Kevin, but Kevin couldn't care enough to actually find out what he had been trying to communicate. He looked down and Rolf seemed perfectly content as he was, so Kevin just brushed it out of his mind. He indulged, leaning over Rolf just a bit and letting the pleasure overtake him. His eyes wandered around the shed, glancing over Rolf's dirty feet, the many tools in their proper spot, and Victor. He stared at victor for a moment, with his mouth hung open and heavy pants as Rolf squeezed him in his hand in just the right way. The goat was staring right at them, and if he hadn't felt absolutely amazing right then, with a mouth around his cock bringing him closer to the edge of oblivion with every movement, he would have had fit and told Rolf off about it. It was gross.

He forced his eyes away from Victor and focused back on Rolf, who had pulled away for moment to take big lung full of air. He panted, his face was flushed, hair tousled and his tongue out as he licked at the head of Kevin's erection while he caught his breath. If _that_ wasn't the hottest sight in the world, Kevin would never know what was. He let out a needy groan as he pressed a hand against the back of Rolf's head, urging him back down. Rolf grinned up at him for a moment, the smuggest look on his face and Kevin felt a flare of irritation at that, but he did nothing about it because Rolf's mouth was back on him before he could.

Kevin let his head fall back against the wooden wall of the shed as he tangled both hands in Rolf's hair, pressing him down on him bit by bit, or as far as Rolf was willing to go. His heavy breathing and pants of Rolf's name seemed so incredibly loud in the small shed, and somewhere in the back of Kevin's mind there was a pang of fear that they would get caught, but that was ridiculous. The thought seemed irrelevant to him as he tensed up, his mouth hung open in a silent yell as he came harder than he had in a long time. He hadn't given Rolf any warning, and he seemed rather irritated for a moment after he pulled off of Kevin and spat on to the floor of the shed, but Kevin couldn't care less about that right then. He was still cursing and mumbling Rolf's name in a blissed out daze as he slid to the floor of the shed, desperately trying to steady his breathing.

"Fuck...fuck Rolf that..that was..." he rambled on like that, trying to praise him but never actually finding the correct words to do so. His legs felt like jelly and his mind was hazy. He knew he was probably a mess, but he just let that go for once.

"Rolf accepts your approval wholeheartedly." Rolf said as he stood up from the floor, dusting the dirt off of his knees and smirked down at Kevin. Kevin watched him as Rolf's hands moved to the buttons on his own pants, undoing them and pushing the jeans for the floor as he had done to Kevin earlier. "However, it is now time for Rolf's remission."

Kevin stared at Rolf for a moment, just wrapping his still sluggish mind around what Rolf wanted. He swallowed another lump in his throat as he nodded and sat up despite the numb feeling in his limbs. Soon he found himself in reversed positions with Rolf. He was face to face with the tent in Rolf's underwear, and a bit of apprehension about him, but really how hard could this be?

"Well Kev-Boy?" Rolf asked with a smirk as he leaned against the wall. "Can you handle Rolf's plow?"


End file.
